Bart Simpson is one of the most iconic animated characters of all time.
Known for his rebellious attitude, hilarious one-liners, and mischievous antics, he has given us some of the funniest and most memorable quotes in television history.
If you’re looking for the best Bart Simpson quotes, you’ve come to the right place.
Classic Bart Simpson Catchphrases
Best Pick:
- Eat my shorts!
- Don’t have a cow, man!
- Ay caramba!
- I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?
- Get bent!
- Cowabunga!
- I didn’t do it!
- This is the worst day of my life… so far.
- I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.
- I’m outta here!
- If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.
- I’m not bad, I just draw that way.
- I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.
Bart’s Funniest School Moments
Best Pick:
- I am so smart! S-M-R-T!
- Homework? I don’t remember getting any homework!
- The teacher’s lounge—where teachers go to cry.
- What’s a test?
- I didn’t lie! I was writing fiction with my mouth.
- I can’t believe I got a D-minus! I passed!
- School is just jail with fluorescent lighting.
- Miss Hoover, the floor is lava!
- You mean I have to do things and go places?
- Why do we need school? We have Google!
- What’s the point of math? Am I going to be an astronaut?
- I tried studying once. Worst five minutes of my life.
- The best part of school is when it’s over.
Bart’s Most Brutal Insults
Best Pick:
- I’m not saying you’re ugly, but you make onions cry.
- Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
- You’re slower than a Windows 95 startup.
- If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I’d be broke.
- You’re proof that even evolution has bad days.
- Your brain is so small, even Google wouldn’t find it.
- You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag with a GPS.
- You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.
- I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
- You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.
- I was going to give you a nasty look, but you already have one.
- You should wear a sign that says “caution: low intelligence ahead.”
- I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.
Bart’s Best Prank Call Names
Best Pick:
- Is there a Seymour Butz here?
- I need Amanda Huggenkiss!
- Is Al Coholic in the bar?
- I’m looking for Hugh Jass!
- Is there a Jacques Strap in the building?
- Has anyone seen I.P. Freely?
- I’m trying to reach Oliver Klozoff!
- Can I speak to Bea O’Problem?
- Has anyone spotted Eura Snotball?
- Is there a Lou Natic here?
- I need to talk to Ben Dover!
- I’m looking for Moe Lester!
- Somebody check if Anita Bath is here!
Bart’s Funniest Moments With Homer
Best Pick:
- I didn’t do it! Nobody saw me do it! You can’t prove anything!
- Dad, you’re embarrassing me… in front of my imaginary friends.
- Why do I get the feeling I’ll be doing this for the rest of my life?
- Can’t we just buy a new car and forget this ever happened?
- I love you, Dad. But don’t make me prove it.
- You’re the reason I have trust issues!
- Dad, I think you broke gravity again.
- Is there a way to get an advance on my allowance… for the next ten years?
- I know you are, but what am I?
- Can we get a dog that doesn’t eat my homework?
- Hey, if you didn’t want me to lie, you should have made me better at telling the truth.
- I’ve learned so much from you, Dad… mostly what not to do.
- When I grow up, I wanna be just like you… unemployed and eating donuts.
Bart’s Wisest (But Still Funny) Quotes
Best Pick:
- Sometimes, the only way to win is not to play.
- The older I get, the less rules make sense.
- Everything is easier when you stop caring.
- Adults say “follow your dreams,” but then get mad when I sleep all day.
- I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy.
- Lying isn’t wrong if no one finds out.
- The secret to happiness is low expectations.
- If it’s too hard, cheat!
- You miss 100% of the naps you don’t take.
- Why do today what you can put off until never?
- The problem with school is that they expect you to learn.
- If I ever act my age, something is seriously wrong.
- The best way to solve a problem? Ignore it and hope it goes away.
Bart’s Most Iconic Chalkboard Gags
Best Pick:
- I will not waste chalk.
- I will not skateboard in the halls.
- I will not encourage others to fly.
- I will not fake my way through life.
- I will not sell school property.
- I will not yell “fire” in a crowded classroom.
- I will not burp in class.
- I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
- I will not trade pants with others.
- I will not carve gods into my desk.
- I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
- I will not use permanent markers on the whiteboard.
- I will not instigate revolution.
Conclusion
Bart Simpson is more than just a troublemaker—he’s a legend of comedy and rebellion.
His quotes range from hilarious one-liners to surprisingly wise observations.
Whether he’s pulling pranks, dodging homework, or outsmarting adults, Bart will always be the king of cartoon mischief.
